


Two is Company, Three's a Crowd

by I_Weave_Dreams



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - All Fandoms
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-24
Updated: 2012-08-24
Packaged: 2017-11-12 18:41:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/494413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Weave_Dreams/pseuds/I_Weave_Dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark has a hard enough time saving the world without Goody Two-Shoes Captain America showing up to save the day. When Tony buys an apartment in Brooklyn, he meets and falls for lovable waiter Steve Rogers. The catch? After being frozen in the ice for 70 years, Steve has developed a multiple personality disorder and doesn't know that he's Captain America.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two is Company, Three's a Crowd

"I'm – ow – Pepper, I'm fine." Tony Stark winced as Pepper Potts swiped a disinfectant wipe over the gash she had just finished stitching up over Tony's right eyebrow.

"Stop being such a baby," she chastised, leaning forward to blow on the stitches to dry the area.

Tony looked up at her from his seat on the kitchen barstool. He'd refused to let Pepper sew him up in the bathroom, saying it felt too much like a hospital. Pepper had never seen a hospital with a jacuzzi tub in it that could fit twelve people and had a water display that could rival the fountain at the Bellagio.

"Do I get a kiss too, Miss Potts?" He revolved on the chair to face Pepper as she moved to the other side of the counter. "That's what they do in the movies."

Pepper rolled her eyes and started cleaning up the wrappers on the counter. "Your life isn't a movie, Tony," she reminded him. Although they both knew it could be, what with Tony being a billionaire weapons-maker turned super-hero. And not to mention the mass amounts of women and parties.

"Not yet. But there _are_ a few biographies out on me. Isn't that what people do, adapt?"

Tony hopped off the stool and walked over to the giant window that spanned across the top floor of Stark Towers, overlooking New York City. "How's it look, Jarvis?"

The pane of glass shimmered and turned into a reflective mirror. "Ms. Potts did an excellent job, sir," the AI system responded.

"Thank you, Jarvis," Pepper said, only a little smug as she cast a glance at Tony. He smiled back in the mirror, and that was equivalent to a 'thank you' from Tony Stark.

"Are you avoiding the question, Jarvis? I asked you how I looked, not for your opinion on Ms. Pott's medical skills," Tony said, dryly chastising the AI system. He unconsciously licked his bottom lip as his head tilted this way and that, examining the damage.

"You look handsome as always, sir."

"Easy, Jarvis, that's a little much. I told you not to call me that in front of anyone else. That's only for when we're alone. You're making Pepper blush." Tony caught her eye again in the mirror, a smirk playing on his lips.

Pepper was shaking her behind the counter, but she was smiling. "Jarvis, please tell Mr. Stark that he needs to spend more time defending the world from people who are trying to destroy it, and less on the ones who are trying to help save it."

"Did you have another run-in with Captain America, sir?" Jarvis didn't sound at all surprised, and there was even an undercurrent of sarcasm in his computer-generated voice. Not for the first time, Tony regretted making the AI system capable of humor.

"Captain America," Tony mumbled under his breath, as if the title was the punch line to a bad joke.

"What was it this time, sir? Did he get in your way trying to save children from a burning building again, or did he chase down the criminal before you could blow up the building he was in?"

"Good night, Jarvis." It was the middle of the day, but Tony had had enough of the AI making reasonable points in that posh English accent.

The AI system stopped speaking immediately and the ro om became quiet, filled only with Pepper's smug smile.

Tony's hatred for Captain America had become a near daily topic of discussion with Pepper. Okay, maybe hate was a strong word, but Tony couldn't stand the guy. He was up-tight, pretentious, and condescending. The Captain's moral compass pointed due North and never quivered, while Tony's couldn't point any further South if he moved to Antarctica. Tony wasn't entirely sure that Captain America didn't live in the North Pole, making toys for all the good little boys and girls in his spare time.

Whenever they both showed up to the same distress call, arguments ensued, because the Captain had a smart mouth on him for a goody-two-shoes, and he was always shouting about the consequences of Tony blowing up this building or that one while trying to take down a rogue cyborg, or when Tony had wanted to suck all the water out of the Hudson river to put out a a cluster of burning buildings.

And although Tony had vehemently denied it when Pepper had suggested it, Tony's dislike probably had something to do with the fact that his father had praised Captain America like it was his job, while Tony could barely get a "good job" out of him when he had aced Advanced Placement Chemistry, A.P. Physics, A.P. Biology, A.P. Calculus, and every other A.P. class available, all before reaching high school. Howard Stark had gone on and on about what a great guy Captain America was, the best of the best, a real friend. Tony couldn't remember the number of times he'd heard the 'fondue' story.

But Howard Stark had also known the man, Tony only knew the Captain. Only spoken tersely with him as they clashed on defense tactics. And from what he'd seen, he didn't care to know him outside of Captain America and Iron Man. Hell, he couldn't even remember the Captain's actual name. He'd done his best to repress every single thing his father had ever said about Captain America. And Tony Stark's best was always good enough.

This fight in particular had taken place the night before. Some idiot had managed to strap enough explosives to the Brooklyn Bridge to take it out. Tony arrived on the scene to find Captain America already there. They'd argued on the way to handle the situation, as per usual. The Cap was of course most concerned about getting the civilians off safely without any damage to the bridge. Tony, seeing the bigger picture, knew that was a pipe dream, and his idea included taking out some of the bridge, which would result in a few scared civilians, but no one would die.

In the end, the threat was diffused, and no one was seriously injured. In fact, the person who walked away with the biggest injury, was Tony, who'd been nicked by the Captain's shield when he'd gotten in Tony's way and Tony'd had his helmet off. The Cap had left the scene before Tony could properly thank him for the souvenir. But there was always – inevitably – a next time.

When Tony had gotten home, he didn't bother going to the hospital. Didn't think the gash was that bad. He stuck some duct tape over it and went into his lab to work. Pepper had found him sleeping there early this morning, and her scream had woken him up. When Tony saw all the blood that had pooled from the gash, he couldn't blame her. It looked like a murder scene. Tony tried to argue that it wasn't as bad as it looked, and refused to go to the hospital. He compromised by letting Pepper stitch him up.

"Honestly, Tony, you should try working with him. You'd get the job done quicker, and with much less damage to yourselves. And you'd be doing me a favor, because you look in the mirror even more than usual when something happens to your face."

Tony harrumphed and crossed his arms over his chest. Admittedly, Captain America _had_ tried the whole teamwork, let's work together thing when they first met, but Tony wasn't having it. He didn't play well with others. And the Lone Ranger thing seemed to be the opposite of what the Boy Scout leader valued.

"Are we done talking about this, Pepper? Seeing the guy is enough, I don't need to talk about him in my spare time too. My time is money. I could be building a teleportation machine right now. Which would come in handy, because I need to go to Brooklyn."

With that, Tony ended the discussion and headed for the door, grabbing a set of keys off of one of the dozen hooks.

"Tony. Tony, what are you doing?" Pepper hurried after him, her heels clicking against the floor.

"I bought an apartment in Brooklyn and I want to go check it out." Tony held the door open, turning to Pepper. "Good, you're coming, I could use a woman's touch."

"Tony," Pepper warned.

"The apartment could, I mean." Tony smiled innocently.

"Tony, there are some really important documents -"

"Great, tell me about them on the way." Tony walked out of the house, and opened Pepper's side of the car for her.

"Tony, why did you buy an apartment in Brooklyn? The drive alone with all the traffic will take you over an hour. And you were just talking about wasting time."

"Who said anything about driving?" Tony said over the rush of wind that was blowing past them. The same wind was making it impossible for Pepper to take the documents out of her folder so she could read them to Tony. This wasn't lost on her.

"Tony, you know you shouldn't be using the Iron Man suit as a means of transportation."

"Um, I think you mean that I _should_ be using it for transportation. It's very eco-friendly, and isn't that what we're going for now? Minimizing my carbon footprint?" Tony raised his eyebrows at her before looking back at the road. "It's much quicker than driving, which gives me more time to not go to all the parties you keep asking me about."

"They're not parties, Tony, they're meetings about the new direction you're taking Stark Industries into with clean energy. The Board has a lot of questions, and a lot of things they need your approval to sign off on."

"Isn't that what I hired you for?"

The rest of the trip was spent with Pepper making Tony put the top up on the car, and asking him why in the world he bought an apartment he'd never actually visited before. All of his arguments fell through when Pepper said, "You got bored, didn't you?" Tony shopped online and bought a lot of things when he got bored.

The sun was starting to head west when Tony pulled the car over. "Did you really buy an apartment Tony, or was this your way of avoiding doing work today?" Pepper had her arms folded over her chest, not looking at all surprised. Or amused.

Tony was looking around at the street signs. "The guy on Craigslist said it should be right here..." Tony mumbled, his head turning this way and that as he twisted in his seat to take in their surroundings.

" _Craigslist_?" Pepper shrieked. "You bought this apartment off of _Craigslist_? Tony, do you know how dangerous that is?"

Tony held up his hands. "Look, Pepper, it's fine. Let's just go in that bar and get something to eat."

Pepper was forced to get out of the car to follow Tony as he unbuckled his seatbelt and headed across the street. "Tony, wait!"

Tony spun around, walking backwards. "You should be happy, Pepper. Don't women always say that men hate stopping to ask for directions?" He stepped up on the curb without missing a beat.

"You're getting food, not asking for directions," Pepper accused, or rather, pointed out. It was a fair accusation, and a true one. Tony just smiled and turned around.

The pub was dimly lit, as all pubs are, with a bar against the back wall, a pool table in the corner and a small arcade of old pinball machines in the other. The rest of the room was filled with tables. A sign at the front read: "Seat Yourself."

There were only a few other people in the pub, all of them alone and sitting in their respective places in the bar. Pepper wrapped her arms around herself and looked around warily as she took the chair Tony held out for her. "I don't think this is the part of Clinton Hills you should be buying an apartment in, Tony."

Tony stretched in his seat, looking perfectly at home. He glanced around for a waiter. "Why not?"

Pepper cocked an eyebrow. "You're walking around in a $300,000 suit, Tony. This is Clinton Hills, not the Upper East Side," she reminded him, because Tony seemed to think himself invincible to any threat, leaving Pepper, as always, to look out for him so he didn't end up in the Hudson River.

And they were in the rougher parts of Clinton Hills, too. Pepper had noticed by the shape of the buildings and streets, but Tony didn't. Or more likely, he didn't care.

"I don't think it'll be a problem," Tony said. Because he was Tony Stark, and who in their right minds would mess with not only Iron Man, but the billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist? No one who valued their life, surely.

Pepper gave him a stern look, the one she always did whenever she was about to prove Tony wrong. "Believe it or not, Mr. Stark, not everyone studies your face as much as you do. There are people here who won't recognize you, and if you're not careful and you get caught off guard -"

"Don't be ridiculous, Pepper, we live in New York. You'd have to have been born in the 20's not to have seen this face." He puckered his lips and winked at her. It wasn't Tony's ego speaking...Well, okay, it was, because when wasn't it with him? But it was also a fair assumption. "Watch," Tony said, holding up a finger.

"You," Tony called across the room where a man was leaning over a table, wiping it off with a rag. The man's head tilted slightly in their direction, and his arm stopped making sweeping gestures around the table. "Yes, you, garçon," Tony called again, beckoning him forth with a wave of his hand. He refrained from adding, "the one with the shoulders," when Pepper shot him a warning glance.

The man straighted to his full height, which was considerable, and turned around. He was wearing a sky-blue shirt with the word 'Doug's Pub' written on it in red cursive. His bangs were a slightly darker shade of blond than the rest of his hair, damp from sweat, as the man used a hand to sweep them across his forehead. He had the body of a model, with a broad chest and a white apron wrapped around his lean hips. With the sparkling blue eyes and chiseled, yet soft features, this guy looked like the poster boy for American men.

He shoved the towel into his back pocket as he approached, and wrung his hands in the apron to clean them off. There was a kind smile on the waiter's face as he reached their table, and Tony was momentarily distracted by thinking he'd seen the guy before.

"Sorry for the wait, my friend Todd should have been back from his break by now," he glanced briefly to the back door, where Todd was apparently overstaying his welcome, but there was no hint of annoyance or accusation in his voice. He seemed perfectly happy and content to cover for his friend's absence. A "friend" who was no doubt taking advantage of this guy's generosity, Tony observed.

"Do you know who I am?" Tony asked conversationally. Pepper shot the waiter a sympathetic look before turning her disapproving gaze back on tony. Tony only smiled wider.

The blond glanced between Pepper and Tony, a worried crease forming between his eyebrows, before he responded. "No, sir," the man said honestly. Apologetically.

Tony was given the impression that this guy apologized a lot, especially for things that weren't his fault. And despite the fact that this man had just proved Pepper right, Tony found himself leaning forward. There was something about this guy, something that was sparking the genius' mind. Something familiar, yet foreign, that Tony couldn't quite put his finger on.

"What's your name?" Tony asked.

"Steve Rogers, sir," the waiter said, still sounding apologetic for not knowing Tony's name.

The name sounded familiar – very familiar. Tony was introduced to up to a hundred people a day at times, so for the name to stick out, it had to belong to someone at least semi-important in relation to himself.

But where had he heard it? Probably someone on the Board. 'Steve Rogers' didn't exactly make the Top Ten list of unusual baby names.

Tony held out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Steve Rogers, I'm Tony Stark."

"Oh," Steve said, his hand in Tony's. This 'oh' wasn't the type Tony was used to. It wasn't: " _Oh my god, sir. I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you straight away! You're so much taller in person, the pictures do you no justice!_ " Or even " _Oh, wow! It's so nice to meet you, sir! I've heard so much about you._ " Nor was it Tony's favorite: " _Oh, god, mmmhhh, yes! Faster!_ " This 'oh' was a strike of realization, a flicker of recognition, and the soft hiss of confusion as the flame was snuffed out when the man struggled to remember where he'd heard Tony's name, and failed.

"You know, you're right, I am going to get murdered." He turned his head to Pepper but kept his eyes on Steve to watch his reaction.

Steve's chest puffed up and his back straightened. "Murdered?" he repeated, taking the word almost as a personal challenge. He looked concerned for Tony, a perfect stranger, taking his joke as a serious threat.

Tony smirked. Steve reminded Tony of those characters in movies who were just average citizens and went chasing down purse-thieves and tackling thugs in ski masks who tried to rob gas stations.

"He's kidding," Pepper said hastily to Steve when she saw that he was taking Tony seriously. Not everyone got Tony's dry sense of humor, but this guy seemed either totally oblivious, or he took everyone at their word.

Tony leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest, looking up at Steve, openly amused now. "How many little old ladies have you helped cross the street?"

Steve looked down, looking like he was seriously considering the number in his head. He started to bite his bottom lip, the number so high it was apparently hard to remember. That, or he was still counting...

Pepper held a hand up to Steve. "You don't have to answer that." She turned to Tony. "He's just trying to rile you up because the Great Tony Stark got lost today, and he refuses to ask for directions." Pepper stared at him pointedly.

"We're not lost, Pepper, we're just taking the scenic route."

"Where're you trying to get to?" Steve, the most motivated waiter on the planet, offered. However, Tony got the impression that Steve wasn't just being helpful to get a good tip. He seemed like he genuinely wanted to help them out. Good thing there wasn't a house on fire around here, because this guy would probably go charging into it to rescue someone's cat, and he was far too pretty to risk getting that mug of his burnt to a crisp just to get someone's pet, Tony thought.

Tony waved his hand dismissively, and started to say, "It's fine," when Pepper pulled out her iPhone and held it up to Steve. Steve looked at it questioningly, like he wasn't sure if it was a bomb or some form of alien technology, and then he looked back at Pepper for help.

Pepper's smile wavered as she looked at Steve's clueless face. Tony stared at Steve, not sure whether to be amused or help the poor guy out. Had he never seen an iPhone before? Or a cell phone in general? Then again, Tony wouldn't be surprised if that were true, as Steve hadn't known who he was, the world's greatest inventor, in Tony's not-so-humble-yet-justifiable opinion.

Pepper lowered her hand slowly, and instead read off the address. Steve's face lit back up. "Oh, that's just right down the street. Just drive on down the road and you'll see it. That's the apartment building I live in. You must be buying Nick's old place?"

Tony wasn't sure why, but the fact that Steve knew the name of everyone in his building, made him want to smile. He didn't though, because what the hell? Guys like Steve Rogers usually got on his nerves, but yet Steve managed to seem genuine in his actions and induced a smile from Tony Stark rather than a scowl, or his famous eye-roll.

Steve's statement seemed to set Pepper at ease some about Tony's safety. Surely if someone as sweet and naive as Steve could live here, Tony would manage to survive somehow.

Tony nodded, because the name sounded familiar from the website. "See, Pepper, I'll be fine. And if anything goes bump in the night, or I need help crossing the street, I'll enlist Mr. Roger's help here. It is his neighborhood after all."

Steve smiled, always happy to help, and was completely oblivious to the reference and joke Tony had just made.

"Let's see Captain America beat me to Brooklyn now," Tony added, smiling smugly.

Pepper's mouth popped open as she learned Tony's true reason for buying an apartment here. "Tony, is that why you bought an apartment here? Because Captain America got to the bridge before you last night?" She sounded exasperated by Tony's childish reasoning, yet not surprised.

"Captain America?" Steve said, the waver in his voice causing Pepper and Tony to stop whatever they were about to say and immediately look up at him. Steve's body had gone rigid, and he looked as if he'd been electrified. His eyes were wide and alert.

"Yeah," Tony said slowly, trying to read the waiter's sudden shift in mood. "Don't tell me you're a fan of that red, white, and blue capsicle?" Tony said, mistaking Steve's reaction for him being starstruck.

Steve stayed frozen for a moment, staring unseeingly at the table, and then he blinked rapidly, coming back to reality. He shook his head. "Sorry," he smiled sheepishly and looked down, a blush creeping over his cheeks. "Um, no. I've never heard of him before." He ran a hand through his hair slowly and looked back up. He smiled in full now, in that easy way of his. "So what can I get for you?"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) I'd really appreciate hearing what you thought.
> 
> Also, check me out on YouTube :)
> 
> www.youtube.com/user/ThatMiddleChild/videos
> 
> My current videos are "I Wish You Were Ugly" "Lady Gaga Incepted Me!" and "Men Are Easy"


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